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Anticipation

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Posts: 248
 #1 
:D I have previously posted on the Ethiopia forum. Though I wasn't adopted internationally, I was part of a transracial adoption. I can honestly say that I am really glad that I was adopted and adopted by my parents.

Did everything go smoothly? Of course not. I had many insecurities and felt inadequate because I was the only Black person that knew! At least until 7th grade. However, I have dealt with almost all of my family & racial issues. As a young adult, my poor mom stayed on the phone and let me scream at her and cry for about 15 minutes -- long distance. Talk about pure love!!! :crazy: What I learned throughout all of this is that people (our parents and birth parents are just people, not superheroes!) simply muddle through life the best way they know how. Nothing and no one is perfect. There isn't a handbook. We can only learn from our mistakes and those made by others. That's why I believe these forums can be sooooo beneficial.

The one thing I hope to impress upon our future-adopted child(ren) is that s/he should never be ashamed of who or what they are, or from where they came!!!!! We have all been born or adopted into a set of circumstances that we didn't choose (rich/poor; Black, Asian, Eastern European or South American). The only positive choice we have, as we grow and mature, is to make the best of our individual set of circumstances. Good luck to everyone!
tb

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Posts: 131
 #2 
Thank you for your honesty. I am a Caucasian mom of one (adopted at birth domestically, African American) son, age 5, and two (biological) daughters, ages 3 and 1. My husband and I are considering adopting again from Ethiopia or domestically. Do you have any advice for us as we raise our children? We live in a rural community in Wisconsin. We are blessed with many friends that have/are adopting from all over the world. Any insight would be much appreciated. I greatly feel that God is calling us to bring our children home. Thanks!
Emily

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Posts: 526
 #3 
Thank you so much for posting this, and for coming here to be a resource for us. As the white adoptive parent of an African American child, and hopefully an Ethiopian child in the future, I certainly hope that my child(ren) will one day feel the way you feel about my decision to adopt them, and also feel proud of their heritage and origins.

I hope you will stay and post often, because there are many of here who could really use your input as we try and navigate the rocky road of transracial parenting.

Emily
Anticipation

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Posts: 248
 #4 
Emily and tb,

Thank you for your kind responses. This is the first time I've posted in a little while and have been hesitant in doing so. I had become quite annoyed/upset with some of the adoptive parents' topic choices/responses/reactions/personalization of the posts -- all of which I don't find helpful or appropriate for this forum. :( My husband tried to tell me that that's a problem with forums . . . people misconstruing one another's statements; attacking one another; and trying to impose their ideological beliefs.

I will give what little insight I can into these complex issues. I don't have any answers, because I can only tell you how my family or I handled certain situations. Please feel free to PM me if the issues may be more personal. Unlike some others, I don't want to turn this forum into my own personal "soapbox".

No, I don't "sugar-coat" things. What good is that if it doesn't prepare one for real-life situations?:confused: But I also don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings either!!:nono::nono::nono:

I was born & raised in NE Wisconsin and I know that I was "forced" into many situations simply I was given up for adoption and subsequently raised in an area that was may 95-99% white (i.e. non-minority). Some of these situations were definitely not pleasant and neither my family or I had anyone to consult. My parents were pretty idealistic -- they seemed to believe that race/color were irrelevant to them & therefore to other people as well. Furthermore, "intellectualizing" racism doesn't work: Telling a child that people who make racist comments are "ignorant", doesn't help the child understand or handle the situation. That being said, we moved to a much larger city when I was in high school. This high school had significant number of Black and other minority students. I was totally unprepared for those Black students' accusing me of trying to "act White", i.e., speaking standard English. So there's a glimpse into my background. Feel free to ask away.

Take care and good luck!:)

Anticipation
Emily

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Posts: 526
 #5 
Thanks for your response, and your invitation to PM. I'm actually going to write something to you now, about a question I have.

Emily
Janna

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Posts: 24
 #6 
I just loved reading your post. I think your perspective applies to all adult "children". I am the only child in my family who was not adopted. My sibling used to tease me that because they came with a "paper-trail" that they were obviously not accidents and that I could never claim the same! As the oldest child in my family, I have the fond memories of being a part of my parents home study, being a part of court day and of course the day my siblings came home. They are probably the most special memories of my childhood.
Seouldad

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Posts: 55
 #7 
Janna-

Thanks for sharing your story.

Logan
PaulaO

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Posts: 77
 #8 
I'm with Seoul Dad. Thank you to all who share their stories!!


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Paula
Korean Adoptee
Mom to dd (4 1/2 years)
Mom to ds (2 years, b. in Korea)
http://heartmindandseoul.typepad.com/
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