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ljg1013

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 #1 
I recently went to the meeting about the possibility of an end to international adoption in Korea. This meeting was held at the Korean Culture Camp at Minnehaha Academy on Wednesday, August 2nd ---  some of you may have been there.

I want to write how appalled I was at how the Children's Home Society presented the "situation" in Korea. It was very unprofessional, not just with the lack of information, but also with providing people they're trying to educate with the wrong information, as well as putting down other organizations, such as GOAL.

When asked the name of this congress woman who is trying to pass laws in Korea to ban international adoption Children's Home Society did not know. How do you not know the name of someone you're heavily criticizing? They said they knew this woman's last name, but what does a last name tell anyone in Korea? Nothing, many people have the same last name.

It was also really obvious to me that CHS didn't care, and hadn't talked with these organizations of "angry adoptees." Mrs. Han even stated that she had never met any of these activists. One of the organizations CHS put out there as a group of "angry adoptees" was G.O.A.L., which is not even a politically active organization. G.O.A.L is an organization which supports, and helps adoptees live and work in Korea. They help adoptees find jobs, places to live, provide translators. There is nothing negative to be said about G.O.A.L. CHS presented this organization not as an organization that helps adoptees live and work in Korea, but as a place that will "brainwash" you if seek help from them, and are not careful. (Yes, the word brainwash was actually used.)

I could seriously go on, but it's not worth it...

CHS really needs to gather more information, and get their facts straight before giving presentions like this.

The overall presentation was given in a way that made CHS look like their only interest was not in the best interest of the adopted child, but in the agency.

LindsayDan

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 #2 

I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, and on a public board, to voice it. 

 

Let's not assume we know how eachother is feeling or what we've personally experienced.


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Lindsay
wife to Dan; mom to Owen (bio 12/07/2002) and Carson (Korea 04/12/2005...home forever on 10/27/2005)
ljg1013

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 #3 

You adopted parents want the truth? I'm telling you my truth.

 

Why do adoptees have to have to be anymore grateful than the rest of you? It's not like we had a choice to be adopted. I am not going to be anymore grateful than an average person. Anyone with the life I have should be grateful, adopted or not.

 

 

ljg1013

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 #4 

Another thing:

 

If you claim you want to be the best parents you can be by adopting these babies, then I suggest it is wise to listen to both sides of adoption. I know you'd like to think that everything will turn out fine, and that your child might grow up to believe that, "love is colorblind," but some adoptees lives didn't turn up that way.

ljg1013

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 #5 

And let's be real:

 

As much as a "humanitarian act" adoption is, it's also an industry.

Lizndave

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 #6 

I don't know much about GOAL but I did check out the website and liked what I saw. If I were an adoptee, I would look for an organization like GOAL to assist me while visiting Korea. I didn't see any "anger" in their mission statement.  On the other hand, something is missing. I can't imagine an organization like CHSFS bashing a group like GOAL. CHSFS has always been on the top of professionalism. Mrs Han has spent her life helping adopted familes. So I am confused to what the issue really is.

 

 I for one am glad that Korean society seems to be more accepting of single parenthood. However, many of us do worry that children will needlessly end up in orphanages if adoption is stopped. Regardless,  I respect Korea for what they are trying to do.   

 

 


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Liz, mom to three wonderful children from Korea.
carrie

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 #7 
I am sorry you have had a bad experience with CHSFS.  We have found the to be the most honest and moral of any agency we researched.  I highly suggest you contact them (as it seems you already have) to discuss your worries.  I have found them to always listen and take my ideas/worries/suggestions seriously.  I may be an odd one out here, but I truly appreciate you sharing with us.  I can only hope that when my son is older that he will feel comfortable enough to share his feelings with me.  I truly wish adoption was not necessary.  The pain I feel for my son and his first mom (and family) is enough to bring me to my knees.  I felt so guilty for tearing him away from his amazing country of birth.  I think the changes that are happening in Korea are all positive and I do truly hope that one day international adoption is not necessary.  However, I do know that at this point it is.  And (very selfishly) I am glad it is.  I wouldn't be a mother if adoption was not an option for us.  My husband and I are doing everything we can to educate ourselves on Korean culture.  We would be arrogant to say that we can expose our son to everything he needs to know about his incredible history.  Instead, we will do our very best and try to always be open, honest, and respectful of his feelings.  We will also send him to Korean school, as we have already signed up for ourselves as well.  I won't kid myself into thinking he is always going to be happy to have joined our family in the manner he did.  I will however hope for the best and do everything in my power to give Benton the happiest and healthiest life I can.

Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best of luck!


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ljg1013

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 #8 
Thank you to those who are understanding.
---

I am sorry that I come off so "angry." It is not my intention to make other people mad here. I am not trying to say that CHS prospective parents will be bad parents. I'm sure you'll give all the love in the world to whatever children you have, adopted or not... But there are some things in the world that love cannot replace. I guess my purpose here is to make people think. Even if some of the things I say make people angry --- I feel that I have an obligation as an adoptee to say the sort of stuff I've been saying.

Also, I want to let those parents know - the ones who say they're sorry I had a bad experience with CHS.... That I actually had a great life! My parents are standard issue white librals, who loved my sister and I with all their heart. I know that the day they we came into their lives was the best day of their life. I grew up in a good neighborhood, and went to a good school.... And it's really not about whether I had a bad experience with CHS or not. It's not about my experience at all. It's about letting people see the whole of what international adoption is, good and bad.



carrie

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 #9 
[QUOTE=ljg1013]I feel that I have an obligation as an adoptee to say the sort of stuff I've been saying. [/QUOTE]

And I truly thank you for sharing.

[QUOTE=ljg1013] It's about letting people see the whole of what international adoption is, good and bad.[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more.  Thanks so much for taking the time to post here.  Have you read http://twicetherice.wordpress.com/?  I think it is a fantastic blog.



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ljg1013

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 #10 
Another thing::

The above post is fairly objective, and doesn't even begin to express my anger towards them. It feels something like betrayal.

I mean, if "profanity blocking" wasn't on - I'd be dropping the f-bomb left and right.
stpauliekad

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 #11 
No one has responded and I don't get why.  This issue is really important.
JodiK

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 #12 

We've had an absolutely wonderful experience with CHSFS.  I've been in contact with Jenny Johnson a few times and found her to be pleasant and helpful.  Mrs. Han is an exceptional person!  She has so much love and compassion for our children.  We were blessed to have her escort our son home and she called us about a week later just to check in to see how things were going.  I don't have much respect for anyone who speaks unkind of a woman who has dedicated her life to bringing so many happy families together!

 

LJG1023, you commented that you've had a great life -

 "Also, I want to let those parents know - the ones who say they're sorry I had a bad experience with CHS.... That I actually had a great life! My parents are standard issue white librals, who loved my sister and I with all their heart. I know that the day they we came into their lives was the best day of their life. I grew up in a good neighborhood, and went to a good school.... And it's really not about whether I had a bad experience with CHS or not. It's not about my experience at all. It's about letting people see the whole of what international adoption is, good and bad."

 

Why do you come off so angry?  I believe, unfortunately, some children have very bad childhoods, but that's because they have bad parents - it doesn't matter if they were adopted or biological children.  Some people just shouldn't be parents.  Do you resent your parents for adopting you?  You wrote - "I know that the day they we came into their lives was the best day of their life."  I'd really like to know why you appear to be so angry.

 

You also comment - "But there are some things in the world that love cannot replace."  I assume you mean growing up in your birth culture and not knowing your birth parents.  Correct me if I'm wrong.  I have 4 points to highlight regarding that statement:

 

1.) America is a melting pot of cultures and that's what makes it so awesome!  My grandfather was a first generation immigrant.

2.) We whole-heatedly support our boys finding their birth parents when the time is right.  I can't imagine anything better!

3.) Our boys are constantly exposed to the fact that they are adopted  - books, play dates with other adoptees, culture camps, etc. so that they'll be proud of who they are!  We will welcome adoption/culture questions and take advantage of evey opportunity to explain the beauty of adoption.

4.) We LOVE our boys!!  I believe we are great parents! 

 

My husband and I love our boys so much!  We talk about adoption and how brave and loving their birth mothers were every day.  We have play dates with other adopted children and two of our best friends are from India and Lebanon (bio children).  Most importantly,we spend time with our boys and we love them unconditionally.  I pray our boys grow up happy and healthy and don't experience the anger you are obviously feeling. I hope you find peace someday. 

 

 

stpauliekad

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 #13 
Mrs. Han has done a lot of things for our family as well.  Although she has done many things for our adoption (1988) does not mean that she should not be held accountable for miseducating and bashing GOAL; a wonderful program which does not "brainwash" adoptees - but helps them overseas with cell phones, places to stay, and translators.

Although I can not speak for ljg, I do not think her anger comes from OUR adoption.  But it does come from adoption!  You do not have to have a "negative" experience inorder to feel angry about what went on at KCC or about adoption in general.  If you read some of our posts in the other "Korea" forum - I think it is explained, atleast how I feel.  CHS does not have the right to bash GOAL and miseducate parents or other adoptees.  And for Jenny Johnson to deny that it happened is also just as bad!  Just because these people are generally good people, and I believe they are, does not mean they shouldn't be held accountable.

egoos

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 #14 

I'm so sorry for the betrayal you have experienced with CHS.  It's too bad it has to come to the "blame game" and for CHS especially the two persons involved to not own up to their misinformation.  I also totally agree with your feelings of anger about misinforming adoptees as well as adoptive parents about certain organizations because they don't agree with the mission of that group but otherwise are helpful to adoptees.

 

Being a parent (one biological and one now adoptive daughter), I can only hope that I will do my best to provide care and nurture and love both my daughters in the way they will feel supported and encouraged and loved.  But I realize that someday both may experience resenment or anger about how I handled a particular situation or even them because of their own perspective.  It may not necessarily have to do with whether or not I was a good parent or that they had a bad childhood or that they were adopted or biological but it's the nature of how each of us has a story and how we see things.  Just as a parent, I have to come to terms with the fact that my children might be angry one day with how things played out in their lives and I need to be willing to hear them out and validate their feelings and own up to my own failings if need be because none of us are the perfect parents.

 

Erica


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HSTK 02/05
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05/15/06 Filed for I-600
05/23/06 I-600 Approval
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06/26/06 TRAVEL CALL
07/07/06 Esther Yoo Jin Goos into our arms


ljg1013

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Posts: 50
 #15 
Well said stpauliekad. I agree 100% I don't respect people who lie to cover up their own tracks. I think it's cowardly, and childish. I really don't see how you aren't offended that the organization you adopted from is pulling this sort of nonsense.

When will you guys see this isn't about me?
It's not about MY experience at all.

Look at the bigger picture.

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